dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
