i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
