He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
