Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize