The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
