She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
