So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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