The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
