We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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