Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
