I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
