Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
