Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
