So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
