I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
