and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
