after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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