Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
