I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wear drunk well.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
