Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
