My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
