She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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