i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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