you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
