she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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