Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
