its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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