I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
