i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
