I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
