so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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