i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
