A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He has the fingertips of a God
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
