Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
