Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
