i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
