I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
