i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
