You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
