made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
