I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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