So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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