I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
