Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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