Nicole vs. Life
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Randomize
