kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
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Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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