im having a threesome with these popsicles
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
