i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
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