I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
