Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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