you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm having to shit out rocks
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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