Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
