i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
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You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
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God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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