im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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