My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
