At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
