I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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