The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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