nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
