I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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