and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
