i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
