it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
