Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
is it fun? or sober?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
