In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
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