I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
