Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
