I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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