You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
