Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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