it's like iHOP with fire
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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