You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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