you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
