the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This is the high leading the old right now
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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