and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
