Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
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I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
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she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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