She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
