Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
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Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I have fence marks all over my body
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