dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
